When I was backpacking the back country of Canada and was in the thick of the bushes, it was very hard to see what was a head both literally and figuratively. Bushwhacking became an important skills to learn and use. I remember one day, I was bushwhacking and trying to cut through the valley to get to a point where things were visible. In this moment I wanted to give up. I had scratches all over me, mosquitos were attacking me, and I had know idea what I was doing or how to do it. I looked back and thought about heading back to where I started, but the path wasn’t clear. All I could do was go forward. When I made it out of the valley and on top of the saddle, the bush didn’t seem that bad, and the view/rest the saddle provided was amazing.
I am trying to remember this as I am now in the thick bush of PST. I have no idea where I am going, if things are going to clear up soon or how the view is when I am out. I have thought about giving up, but when I look back and try to think about what life would be like, its unclear and also in the thickness of a mess. So I have decided to move forward.
This past Wednesday I was having a really bad day. I hit some sort of wall and felt hopeless, out of control and useless. As I was walking home I was thinking about leaving Moldova.. all of the sudden I hear chirps. I looked up and saw about twenty baby chicks running in the street. It was amazing. I had never seen something like this in my life, and being a part of it, instead of observing it in a zoo or on TV, was unreal. I felt like a kid experiencing something new and wonderful. It hit me. I would never see this if I went back to the states. I would not experience random joys. The next day something similar happened. I was walking home from romanian language class, and I simply looked up. I saw the outline of my village in a new clarity. It was breath-taking. I am not sure if I have been looking down this whole time, but this view was new to me.
I realized that simply looking up and outward is the key to me staying here in Moldova and with the Peace Corps. I can not focus on the ground, the bad, the hard days. I need to focus on the amazingness of all this experience has to offer. And some times I know I will have to look for it – but its there.
Since I have gained this perspective I have found myself falling in love with Moldova!